Everyone has their own problems in life which they deem a bigger deal than others. But not every person will experience the same struggles, and so may feel they cannot help. I aim to remove this feeling from people because we CAN support those with problems that we have not, or do not experience ourselves, it is just a matter of figuring out how.
I believe the key to helping in these situations is creating a better sense of understanding by educating and explaining the struggles different people can experience in unique situations. We all go through life separately, therefore, our problems, our reactions, and our defence mechanisms are all unique. We need to start becoming more understanding in order to be able to effectively help those around us.
Having a physical disability brings with it many challenges in life that most people may not realise. Therefore, when discussing these with others there is little they can do to help, not because they do not want to, but because they do not know how to. This use to result in me not sharing my difficulties because I did not see the point, all it did was burden people with my problems.
However, this had worse effects on me as it began a cycle where I started to think there was no point in sharing anything anymore because I did not want to bother anyone with my issues. I spent a lot of time just thinking on my own and getting into my own head to the point where I forced myself into a state where I could no longer think positively about my life. I ended up becoming desensitised from my emotions and separated myself from my friends and family.
Despite me trying to separate myself from my friends and family, however, it was thanks to them that I was able to improve my mentality about my struggles by consistently asking me questions about what I was struggling with. They may have been obvious questions like “how are you?” or “how does that make you feel?” but I realised that what was actually happening by me answering these questions was that people were learning about what I was struggling with and became more understanding to those struggles. From this, I was supported in different ways by different people around me. Some trying to get me outside again to socialise, others trying to find me new interests to keep my spirits high.
Eventually, I was beginning to feel happy again, and whilst I still feel desensitised from some of my emotions, I have noticed myself improving and becoming a happier and more social individual because the people around me learnt how best they could support me.
I do not believe in the cliché of "struggles make you stronger" because they do not. The struggle alone is damaging to a person's mental health and can make life very difficult. It is the way in which you chose to face the struggle that makes you stronger. Sometimes we can confront our struggles solo, but other times we need some encouragement or support from those around us. This support system to help people fight their struggles is what makes you stronger not the struggle itself.
This is why I want to begin a conversation between all sorts of people who experience different struggles in different situations. Whether you disabled or not, gay, straight, black, white, or whatever; everyone has difficulties in life. Just because you do not encounter the same issues someone else does, does not mean it has no impact on them. It also does not mean you can not support them if you want. Learn about their struggle – ask questions – because that is the only way we are going to be able to understand what other people are struggling with and it is only until we understand something that we can support it effectively and ensure the struggles of those you care about are minimised and eased.